Wythenshawe Vets might be competing in the Cheshire Vets League Premier Division, but their squad list reads like a Premier League reunion tour nobody sent you a ticket to.
Antonio Valencia — 339 Manchester United appearances, two Premier League titles, a decade at Old Trafford — has joined the amateur outfit at age 40. He won't be short of familiar faces. The roster already includes Emile Heskey, Marc Albrighton, Joleon Lescott, Danny Drinkwater, Papiss Cissé, Oumar Niasse, and Stephen Ireland, among others.
The squad that makes this genuinely absurd
Heskey leads the Premier League appearance count with 516 outings across Leicester, Liverpool, Birmingham, Wigan and Aston Villa. Valencia, despite his decade at United plus time at Wigan, sits second with 325 top-flight appearances. Albrighton (310) and Lescott are close behind.
The Cheshire Vets League is designed for players aged 35 and over. That context makes what Wythenshawe are doing to their opponents slightly funnier — and slightly less surprising. They've won all seven of their opening games with a goal difference of +54. Seven games. Fifty-four goals. The league may need to have a quiet word with itself.
- Emile Heskey — 516 Premier League appearances, 62 England caps
- Antonio Valencia — 339 Man United appearances, 2 PL titles
- Marc Albrighton — 310 Premier League appearances, 1 PL title with Leicester
- Joleon Lescott — former Everton and Manchester City centre-back
- Danny Drinkwater — Premier League title winner with Leicester 2016
- Papiss Cissé & Oumar Niasse — Senegalese forwards, ex-Newcastle and Everton
- Stephen Ireland, Maynor Figueroa, Nedum Onuoha, Cameron Jerome, Jefferson Montero
What it actually means
Wythenshawe told BBC Sport they have over 80 teams across men's, women's and junior football. Having Valencia and Heskey walking through the same doors as under-12s and weekend warriors is a genuinely unusual thing for a community club to pull off — and probably worth more to their junior setup than any league trophy.
Valencia retired from professional football in 2021. This isn't a comeback story. It's a 40-year-old Ecuadorian international who fancied a run-out and chose a team where he wouldn't look completely out of place. Given the current standings, nobody on the opposition is having a good time about it.
